Monday, April 5, 2010

The A to Z of Fatherhood…

I found this interesting (and funny too!) article in old magazine “Pregnancy & Birth” Australia’s No. 1 Pregnancy Magazine dated July/August 2004.. Let share together :)

I like the letter B, E, H, L, M, O, T hehe..

A is for Anaesthetics. They’re extremely important during the birth, which is a very stressful time. I found the nitrous oxide a hoot. My wife opted for the epidural.

B is for Breastmilk. Yes, every dad-to-be can’t wait to taste it and once they do, they wish they never did. Your baby on the other hand, adores the stuff.

C is for Coughs, conjunctivitis, chickenpox and a host of other baby health scares. It’s important to be ready to act if your baby’s health goes bad, but for your first baby you’re likely to be fanatical. So, for the most part, just try to chill.

D is for Depression. Most mums get it to some degree and you’ll be the one copping it simply because you’re there. Rest assured, if it’s making you feel bad., your partner is feeling worse. When it happens, don’t forget that it isn’t “them” when they’re depressed and it isn’t something they can just snap out of. It has to be worked through and you’ll be her biggest help – even if she’s just called you every foul name imaginable.

E is for Equipment. If it hasn’t happened already, your house will soon be colonised by an inordinate amount of baby support gear. The cot, crib and change table start things off and within a months there will be a full-scale invasion of large plastic primary-coloured stuff that costs a small fortune and clashes with the interior colour scheme.

F is for Feeding, which your baby will do without regard for when your favourite tv program is on or when you really should be sleeping.

G is for Golf Course. This is the reason why you obstetrucian will turn up after the midwives have done all the work.

H is for Housework. An ugly word at the best of times. The good news is that your partner won’t be vacuuming when you’re trying to watch the footy anymore. The bad news is that this is because you’ll now be doing it.

I is for Immunisations and your little addition will be getting them all in the first 6 months. Diphtheria, Tetanus, Pertussis, Hepatitis B, Polio, Measles, Mumps, Rubella and probably a few more. The bad news? They’re all injections. The good news? Some vaccines are combined, meaning fewer of them.

J is for Jugs, known in more polite circles as breasts. Not only your partner’s shirt potatoes going to swell to magnificent new proportions, but they’re your baby’s life support system so laud them at will. With breastmilk they even take on a “squirting corsage” comedy element that never fails to get a laugh.

K is for Kegels – otherwise known as pelvic floor exercises. If you plan on having a sex life after the baby, get your lady to do these. They’ll get everything downstairs back in shape so she knows you’re there next time you make love. Here’s the drill: squeeze and hold the bladder muscles like you’re trying to hold in a wee, hold for 3 seconds then relax. Get her to do that 15 times, 3 times a day and you’ll be on your way to having a meaningful sex life again.

L is for Labour, which is traumatic enough for you, let alone your partner. Although it’s fashionable to video tape it these days, don’t, unless you like blood and screaming. Besides, do you want to see your baby’s first moments through a viewfinder?

M is for Midwives. These people play award winning support roles at the birth. Paid a quarter of an obstetrician’s salary and worth twice as much.

N is for Nappy changing. Although the big joke is how dry-wretchingly disgusting it is, for the four first months, baby poo doesn’t smell anywhere near as bad as yours does. And the colour range from jet black to light suede is perfectly normal and somehow strangely intriguing.

O is for Oh, when will I lose this weight? And we’re not talking about your lady but you, fatso. For the past 9 months you’ve supported her by being your partner in baby-building gluttony. Then in one big whoosh she will lose 10kg while you’re still waddling around with a sympathetic bump.

P is for Pram envy. Now that car makers like Jeep and BMW are making them, prams have become the latest in keeping up with the Joneses. There are ones with inbuilt CDs, eskys, stubbie holders, suspension, go-faster stripes, the lot. As long as it gets you and bubs from A to B it’s a winner.

Q is for Queen, because when you have your first baby this is what your partner becomes, so treat her like one – she’s earned it. Praise her, hug her, reassure her and the her how bloody amazing she is.

R is for Rashes. Babies get lots of them. Most mean nothing so don’t race to the doctor’s every time you think you see a spot.

S is for Social life. On one hand you won’t have one, on the other hand brace yourself for relatives, friends, friends of relatives and relatives of friends coming out of the woodwork. It’s lovely but you’ll hardly have a minute for yourself, never mind afternoon tea with a great aunt you haven’t seen since you were two. Deal with the adoring hordes by making particular times when you’ll be “taking visitors”.

T is for Trauma. While the birth of a child is a miracle of life, it’s the physical equivalent of driving a Mack truck through a McDonalds drive thru – there’s going to be some damage. So, for at least 3 months, you’ll need to back off from jumping your partner’s bones again, tiger.

U is for Umbilical cord which is the bit of skin connecting your partner and your baby. A marvel life support system maybe, but it looks like grey sausage skin. The midwives like to give you first dibs on cutting it. Quite unappealing really.

V is for Vagina, vulva, vasectomy and all those other anatomical sounding words. All best avoided especially the third one.

W is for Wee. Expect to get covered in it, especially if you have a boy because they pee double their body length, no sweat. It’s usually onto you face but if they miss, it’ll be on your trousers just before going to work. They think this is the funniest thing in the world. So will your partner.

X is for Xerses, Xavier, Xuxa, Xania and all the other ridiculous names you mulled over for days before finally choosing your baby’s name. It’s only when you have a baby that you realize the staggering amount of stupid names out there.

Y is for Your parents, also known as the new grandparents. They’ll lecture you constantly about baby raising, which gets grating. Don’t be too hard on them – remember they’re front line babysitters.

Z is for Zzzzz, i.e. sleep which for you will be the new sex because you won’t get enough of it and when you do get it, it’s awesome. Just like sex really, which is how you got here in the first place.


So, which letter you like the most? :P

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